Small business and HMRC: the logins and passwords you need to know

The UK Government makes a great deal of the new 'simplified' tax system for small businesses. If you want to obey the law and pay your taxes online, however, we at Fieldsports Television Ltd have discovered that you need 50 special codes, passwords, names, addresses, personal details and URLs. Some you will know. Most, however, are issued by an HMRC office which can be anywhere in the country. The game is for you to work out which that office is, what its phone number is, and which codes you need to find before they can release the code you are looking for. To make it more entertaining for the tax officers, you will find that, like the staircases at Hogwarts, HMRC moves things around overnight.

If you are thinking of starting a business in the UK, here is a short guide to what you need, in the order in which we got ours:

1. Your Government Gateway user ID: a 12-digit number you get from HMRC, sometimes written as one long number, sometimes in groups of four digits with a space between. It is worth having this and your password somewhere easily to hand because the HMRC website logs you out every few minutes and deletes your information, especially irritating when you have spent time filling in a form that requires lots of calculations
2. Your personal Government Gateway ID: a 12 digit number, usually written in groups of four digits
3. Your BillPay User number: possibly your two initials followed by six digits
4. Your company VAT certificate issue date
5. Your application date to join the VAT Flat Rate scheme 
6. Your acceptance date for joining the VAT Flat Rate scheme 
7. Your VAT flat rate: a percentage
8. Your VAT periods: usually three months at a time
9. Your Corporation Tax Reference: a 10-digit number sometimes written as 10 digits straight, sometimes in groups of five digits prefixed with a three digit number and a slash. We got this from CT Operations on 020 8633 4500. They will try to give you just the ten-digit number - don't let them! This is a trick. Get the three-digit prefix as well.
10. Your Corporation Tax long period suffix code: ours is a five-digit number starting and ending with the letter A
11. Your Corporation Tax short period code: ours is a five-digit number starting and ending with the letter A 
12. Your Employers PAYE Reference: a three-digit number followed by a slash, two letters and then another five-digit number. We got ours from 08457143143, hold to end of menu, then press 6
13. Your Accounts Office Reference: a three-digit number followed by a slash, two letters and then another eight-digit number. We got ours from 08457143143, hold to end of menu, then press 6 . This reference seems to be for PAYE, on the basis we got it from the same place as the PAYE information. Some HMRC offices only deal with their own taxes, some with groups of taxes
14. HMRC’s bank account which claims to be in Shipley of all places but is actually held in London: account name HMRC Shipley; Account number 12001020; Sort code 083210; Address Citi, Citigroup Centre, Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5LB. There is another bank account which claims to be in Cumbernauld. Make sure that whatever you pay goes to exactly the right bank account with exactly the right reference, otherwise HMRC gets to keep the money and ask for it again. For example, payments to PAYE require a different reference number for each month you make a payment, and you cannot make more than one month's payment in a single transaction. Again, any deviation from this and they will take your money and demand it again. 
15. Your Corporation tax code, which will be posted to you, once you have applied for it: ours is two letters, a number, four letters, two numbers and another three letters
16. Your PAYE activation code, which will be posted to you, once you have applied for it: ours is two letters, a number, two letters, two numbers, a letter a number, another letter, and two numbers
17. Your VAT Registration Number (also called VAT Number): a nine-digit number
18. Your VAT Service User Number: a six-digit number
19. Your date of registration for VAT (also called Effective date of Reg): we got this from from VAT Online Services Helpdesk 0845 010 8500
20. The final month of your last submitted VAT return: we got this from VAT Online Services Helpdesk 0845 010 8500
21. Your Box 5 figure on your last VAT return submitted. we got this from VAT Online Services Helpdesk 0845 010 8500
22. Your company file date
23. Your 'Event Date': we write this as 'N/A' because we don't know what it can mean
24. Your branch number: this is a funny one. If you don't have any branches and an HMRC online form asks for a branch number, you have to write three zeroes '000' or your form will be turned down and you have to start again
25. Your application submission number to join PROOF: a three-digit number, a dash and then another six-digit number
26. Your PROOF authentication code: ours is two letters, a number then three letters
27. Your PROOF security code: ours is a number, two letters, two numbers, a letter and then another two numbers
28. Your company Number, also known as your Companies House Registration Number (CRN): an eight-digit number - sometimes you need to drop the first zero - it depends on the form - and the form will never tell you whether it accepts your number with or without the first zero. 
29. Your incorporation date (i.e. when Companies House told you that you had become a company). Some of this you can get from the Corporation Tax registration helpdesk 0845 6055999
30. Your MCOL customer number (if you need to make any small claims): two letters and then ten digits
31. All companies’ VAT numbers that you deal with in the EU - but only in the EU
32. Your ECSL/ESL (same thing) secret code, which they will post you in a letter like a National Lottery scratchcard. This will not cost you any money but there is (of course) a £500 on-the-spot fine if you forget to get it

Here are the other logins you will need but, which, happily, you already know or can find out or make up:

1. HMRC login - your email address
2. HMRC password - you get to make this up
3. Your and your employees' National Insurance numbers: two letters, six digits and a letter 
4. Your passport number
5. Your driving licence number 
6. Your first school
7. Your last school
8. A memorable place 
9. A memorable date 
10. A memorable name
11. Your mother's maiden name: 
12. Your bank account number and sort code
13. Your postcode
14. Your company name
15. Your Companies House login: your email address
16. Your employees' birthdays

We have spent weeks of work finding out all of this. I hope it is useful.

Failure to have this information leads to fines. They ring you up when they want to fine you, tell you that you are to be fined, how much and you have to pay it there and then by credit card. Our biggest fine was £1750.

I wrote to my MP about HMRC's service. He referred my letter to HMRC who told my MP not to worry, that the online tax system is simple.